Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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