Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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