I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
