I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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