You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
