tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
