I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
