We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
