It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
