you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You were trust falling into bushes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
