we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize