Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
