well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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