Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
