when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
