sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
