A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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