I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
