I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
