Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
