Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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