Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I pour the whiskey from now on
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
