im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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