how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize