This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
