yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
