She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
