He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
