Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize