I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
