the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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