bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
