He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There r osticjed everywhere
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
