don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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