But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i think my cat just said my name.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
