do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
