I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
