I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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