Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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