when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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