Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
