I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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