if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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