Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
