i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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