we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
