Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
