Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
