i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
