I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
