he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
