Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
