If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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