Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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