The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
