I wish i was in the wii world.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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