i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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