It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
