how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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