That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
