i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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