I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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