We won't sleep together?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
