Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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