They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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