I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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