four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
