Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize