I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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